Finish Data's Joke - The Five-Minute Forums

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04-04-2007, 06:46 AM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

Finish Data's Joke I was watching my copy of The Outrageous Okona. At one point Data starts to tell a joke to Guinan with the following opening sentence: A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together... But a page prevents him from finishing it. So my challenge is to submit punchlines to the joke, comment on each other's idea of the best one, and so forth. What can I say, I like to whack at hornet's nests. Here's my first "sample" punchline: A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together, but somehow on the way all three get beamed to a Borg cube and get thrown into a cell to await their inevitable assimilation. The question of who will be assimilated first comes up. The monk steeples his fingers and prepares to meditate. "It doesn't matter, the Prophets will guide me." The Ferengi takes out his wallet and starts to count his latinum. "I'm not quite as rich as I'd hoped to be, but at least I have enough to bribe the Grand Arbiter and get into the Divine Treasury." The clone just starts to hum. The monk glares at him and the Ferengi quickly hides his money. "What are you doing?" they ask. "Oh, I'll be safe. In this day and age even drones aren't tasteless enough to say 'Send in the clones.'" __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

#2    04-04-2007, 09:44 AM

danieldoof  Anomalous Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 1,637

WOW that one actually works  very nice though I have no idea for one  __________________ .

#3    04-04-2007, 03:27 PM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

It's not quite as good as I was hoping. For the longest time I wanted to get some sort of bowling joke into the punchline. However, since it is one of my first attempts at an honest-to-goodness manufactured joke, I still think it's good. I tend to specialize in topical, spur-of-the-moment gags. A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together. At the alley they stand in line to pay for their rental shoes. The attendant charges the clone five bucks. The monk isn't charged anything. When the Ferengi steps up the attendant whips out a phaser. "What's this about?" the Ferengi asks. "I may just be a lowly bowling lot attendant," the guy says, "but even I have more self-respect than to be sucked into a lame joke like this with someone like you." __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

#4    04-08-2007, 10:20 PM

Chancellor Valium  Reasonably priced male pills Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator... Posts: 4,595

A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together. As they walk down the street, the Englishman notices them, and says to the Irishman and the Scotsman "I think we're in the wrong joke." __________________ O to be wafted away From this black aceldama of sorrow; Where the dust of an earthy today Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!

#5    04-09-2007, 07:10 AM

NeoMatrix  Factorial Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Augusta, GA Posts: 6,138

A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together... On their way to the bowling alley, they find a lamp in a trash can. The monk took it and said, "This is a priceless object and should be kept on display for all to see." The Ferengi grabbed it and started rubbing it. An old genie appeared, saying, "I am old genie with no more wishes to grant. My last request for one of you to replace me. The Ferengi looked at the monk and said, "Send in the clone!" __________________ NeoMatrix\'s Livejournal My Myspace Page 5MV Story Website (Updated: February 16th, 2006)

#6    04-11-2007, 07:42 PM

Katy Jane  Or is it KJHTMMM now? Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: St. Louis Posts: 1,129

these are all great! :lol: Hopefuly I can think of something. :idea: __________________ Vulcan children are never late with their Sehlat's dinner

#7    04-11-2007, 08:15 PM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together, but they're having a terrible time agreeing on which alley to go to. The monk wants to go to The Emissary Strikes Out, the clone wants to go to Lack of Originality Lanes, and the Ferengi wants to go to Lek's Discount Bowling Alley and Wedding Chapel (Elvis Impersonators on Wednesdays!  ). In the end they decide to roll a die. Too bad a passerby steals the die as long as it lands and starts to walk away. So the three kill him and steal the coupons to a steakhouse that he was carrying. "What luck," the Ferengi says, "I was wanting to ram a stake down your throats anyway." __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

#8    09-06-2007, 05:43 AM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

Yikes. That last punchline is just TOO lame, even for me. Come on! More punchlines, anyone? __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

#9    09-06-2007, 11:35 PM

KillerGodMan  More something than this cat Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Ontario Posts: 1,689

A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together, when they arrive at the alley, they decide to first go to the alley's pub. They walk in the the bartender motions to a priest, a minister, and a rabbi and asks; "friends or yours?" ...blarg... __________________ -KillerGM Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!

#10    09-07-2007, 05:40 AM

NAHTMMM  No Ad-Hoc Title? My, My, My Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . . Posts: 2,690

Quote: Originally Posted by Nate the Great  Yikes. That last punchline is just TOO lame, even for me. Given that Data is supposed to be telling the joke, "lame" is what I would tend to shoot for.  __________________ My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list Yup “There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs

#11    01-14-2008, 09:10 AM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together. The Ferengi proposes that they pool their spare money, winner gets the pot. The others agree, and immediately the Ferengi steals the money, says "I forfeit," and starts to walk off. When the others object, he says, "I said 'winner gets the pot.' You guys can fight over that, but I'll use your money to get transferred to a better joke." Lame.... __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

#12    01-16-2008, 04:41 AM

NAHTMMM  No Ad-Hoc Title? My, My, My Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . . Posts: 2,690

Now THIS is a Data joke. Data: "A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi decide to go bowling together. In the first frame, the Ferengi bowls the ball down the lane and knocks down the 1, 2, 4, 5, 8, 9, and 10 pins. He gets his ball back and knocks the 3, 6, and 7 pins down. "In the second frame, the Ferengi knocks down the 4 and 10 pins. On his next throw he knocks the 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 pins down. "In the third frame, the Ferengi knocks down the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 pins. Then he succeeds in knocking down the 9 and 10 pins. "In the fourth frame, the Ferengi knocks down the 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, and 9 pins with his first roll. He then knocks down the 1, 7, and 10 pins. "In the fifth frame, the Ferengi knocks down--" Guinan: "Uh, Data, maybe you should skip to the punch line?" Data: (a bit taken aback) "I could omit the fifth through ninth frames if you would like me to do so. However, I believe that the joke will lose much of its impact." Guinan: "I'm willing to risk that." Data: "Very well." (takes a moment to skip ahead) "In the tenth frame the Ferengi's first throw knocked down the 6, 9, and 10 pins. His second throw knocked down the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 8 pins. He then began to gyrate and exclaim in a celebratory manner. "'Why are you behaving in such an excited manner?' the clone inquired. "'Because all the changed spares I have been picking up have made me richer than I was before the game started!' the Ferengi said!" (grins widely) Guinan: "Um, okay . . ." Data: "Would you like me to explain it to you? There is an old Earth expression, 'spare change', that refers to--" Guinan: "Uh, no, that's fine, I think I almost got it. Tell me, Data, what was the point of including the monk in the joke?" Data: "My research indicates that, in jokes involving 3 individuals who enter a place simultaneously, it is often traditional for at least one of them to have a religious profession. I suspect that this may enhance the humor of the joke. Did it enhance the humor of this joke for you?" __________________ My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list Yup “There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs

#13    01-16-2008, 02:22 PM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

Nice joke, if a bit long, but of course the real punchline is "I'm willing to risk that." The "Did it enhance the humor of this joke for you?" is classic Data as well.  __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

#14    01-16-2008, 02:52 PM

Chancellor Valium  Reasonably priced male pills Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator... Posts: 4,595

A monk, a clone and a Ferengi decide to go to a bowling alley. On their way, a blinding light flashes, and, arrayed in Heavenly Glow (tm), Thomas Aquinas appears to them. The Ferengi decides to negotiate a publishing deal for the Summa, and the monk says "Nice to see me again." __________________ O to be wafted away From this black aceldama of sorrow; Where the dust of an earthy today Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!

#15    01-16-2008, 05:41 PM

NAHTMMM  No Ad-Hoc Title? My, My, My Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . . Posts: 2,690

Quote: Originally Posted by Nate the Great  Nice joke Thanks.  Quote: if a bit long That's part of the "joke": Data hasn't quite factored in others' lesser abilities in concentration and patience and such.  Quote: The "Did it enhance the humor of this joke for you?" is classic Data as well.  Thanks! __________________ My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list Yup “There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs

#16    02-09-2008, 08:55 AM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

I was trying to turn this into a riddle along the lines of "you could have a man that's a monk, a clone, AND a Ferengi, why not?" but I couldn't think of anything. __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.

#17    02-09-2008, 02:19 PM

Chancellor Valium  Reasonably priced male pills Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Rhen Var, sitting on a radiator... Posts: 4,595

Quote: Originally Posted by Nate the Great  I was trying to turn this into a riddle along the lines of "you could have a man that's a monk, a clone, AND a Ferengi, why not?" but I couldn't think of anything. Quote: A monk, a clone and a Ferengi decide to go to a bowling alley. On their way, a blinding light flashes, and, arrayed in Heavenly Glow (tm), Thomas Aquinas appears to them. The Ferengi decides to negotiate a publishing deal for the Summa, and the monk says "Nice to see me again." ...Like that? __________________ O to be wafted away From this black aceldama of sorrow; Where the dust of an earthy today Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!

#18    02-09-2008, 09:55 PM

Nate the Great  a.k.a. Radd the Badd Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,676

Um, no. Actually, a joke of this sort could easily turn into a sort of time-travelling adventure where the Ferengi meets his future self, the monk, and an even further future self, the clone who saw all of the unpleasantness that resulted from being a monk and became even more Ferengi-like than the original. But I have no idea what the punchline would be. __________________ mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate. Zeke: It comes nateurally to him. mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea. Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity. Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own! Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.