The error that popped up was:
"BASS_ChannelPlay function not found in bass.dll"After a bit of sleuthing and googling, it turns out that some other application had dropped a dll into the window's system SysWOW64 folder.
The path was "C:\Windows\SysWOW64" on this computer..
You may be able to find your computer's folder by pressing "Windows+R" and then entering "%SystemRoot%\SysWOW64".
Deleting "bass.dll" from the SysWOW64 folder allowed the game to work.
(Programmers: please stop putting your muck in my OS's folders!)
(Developers: please don't let programmers muck with your OS!)